Conditional Self-Love?

As January approaches many of us will be tempted to fall into the endless and hopeless cycle of creating a New Year’s Resolution. I say hopeless because let’s face it, who remembers their New Year’s Resolution(s) they set for themselves at the start of this year?

I’ll wait.

If you’re anything like me, you may have set yourself a new weight loss goal. I do this every year. I tell myself, “Self, you’re going to lose that 20 pounds and eat healthily and go to the gym.”

Again, if you’re anything like me, around January 15th, you decide in favour of a Domino’s Two for Tuesday (hold tight Domino’s) or some other deliciously unhealthy treat. And by February your New Year’s Resolution of achieving your dream body has become a distant memory as you stare down the metaphorical barrel of a cheeseburger gun. Well, you’re not alone.

How many of us fitness delusionals (that’s a phrase I made up for people like me who want to be fit but are too damn lazy and inconsistent to stick to a routine) and self-confessed fatty’s, are tired of seeing people we know, lose weight and then all of a sudden have a coming to Jesus moment with self-love?

When I lost weight, all I wanted to talk about was self-love. And don’t get me wrong, losing weight was great for my self-esteem. I mean who doesn’t feel like a bag of money when they see progress after slaving in the gym?

But what about before that? What about when I gained the weight again because life got too busy? Did I still feel the same way? The truth is, I didn’t. I almost felt worst actually. I beat myself about it because I felt like I had failed at this thing I tried so hard to accomplish. I didn’t like the way I looked in clothes more so when I gained the weight back then before I lost it.

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But then, I had my own coming to Jesus moment about my self-esteem and insecurities. Maybe, no matter how much weight I lost, or how good I thought I looked, that the issue was within me? The issue wasn’t that I was chubby, the issue was that I didn’t accept myself holistically and truly.

I didn’t love the Cherina that wore a size 14-16, the Cherina that didn’t have time to work out, which in all honesty, will be part of my life. I can’t work 5 times a week and live my life the way I want. So, I needed to learn to love size 14 Cherina who could only work out 3 days per week and size 16 Cherina who didn’t work out at all.

Sure, I thought I was pretty but…

Did I love myself despite my weight loss or weight gain?

It is good, great even, to begin your journey of self-love where you feel comfortable. But if your idea of self-love is reliant on an external feature that can change without warning, the foundations on which you’ve built self-love is a weak one. And no, I’m not telling you that shouldn’t invest in your appearance or your health. But instead, invest in self-love regardless of your appearance or your health.

Self-love doesn’t just mean to love how good you look, yes that is a part of it, but it’s not the only part.

Love the fact that you’re smart, love the fact that you’re charming, love the fact that you have leadership qualities. Love that you attract positive people, love that you’ve succeeded in something you put your mind to.

These qualities are things that no one else can change and that in combination with everything amazing about you are unique to you alone. Let self-love begin there, on the inside, and I guarantee that it will remain an unconditional romance between you and yourself. You’ll start to realise qualities about yourself that you didn’t know were there. That is where unconditional self-love begins.

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